A Welcome To The Company

[An office – dull and grey despite it being the Boss’. Minimal décor. A large desk centre-stage left, THE BOSS sits behind it on a swivel chair, his mood identical to that of the room. Behind THE BOSS several identical empty frames hang on the wall, neatly arranged. No windows, a door centre-stage right. A small, wooden stool centre-stage.]

[A knock on the door. THE WORKER enters.]

BOSS: (smiling) Have a stool.
WORKER: But I just had lunch.
BOSS: Sit down!
[THE WORKER sits on the stool, smiling with dumb amiability at THE BOSS. Due to the size of the stool THE WORKER now appears significantly smaller than THE BOSS.]
BOSS: You know, I’d love to employ you.
WORKER: But you haven’t even seen my resume.
BOSS: I don’t think I need to; you’ve one of those honest, hardworking faces.
WORKER: Just as well anyway, it’s blank.
BOSS: Indeed, now if you’ll just fill out this form it’ll be all set.
WORKER: What are the hours?
BOSS: Nine to five, with the possibility of a consecutive graveyard shift.
WORKER: And the pay?
BOSS: Well that’s not important, you’re unlikely to find a better offer these days.
WORKER: And what days are these?
BOSS: You should know.
WORKER: I still need to think it over.
BOSS: No you don’t.
WORKER: Discuss it with the missus’.
BOSS: Sign the contract.
[Pause.]
WORKER: I’ll think about it. [Stands, goes to door] Talk to you tomorrow.
BOSS: You can’t leave.
[THE WORKER tries to open the door, it is locked.]
WORKER: What are you running here?
BOSS: A business! And in order to do that I’ll have you.
WORKER: You need me.
BOSS: I have you.
[Pause.]
BOSS: Don’t you want to work here? The conditions are well within industry standards.
WORKER: Let me go.
BOSS: It’s not up to you anymore, is it?
WORKER: The wife’ll wonder where I’ve gone, she knows I’m here!
BOSS: [Takes a large, antiquated camera from the desk.] But what reason should she have to confront me, when all she shall see is a strong, happy, providing member of the family.
WORKER: I won’t work for you.
BOSS: (manically) It’s not up to you anymore – is it?!
[THE BOSS rises from his chair and points the camera at THE WORKER.]
Say ‘please.’
WORKER: [Frantically tries to force the door as THE BOSS advances with the camera.] Stop! … No! … Please!
[Blinding flashes on stage as THE BOSS towers over THE WORKER who writhes on the floor in agony. Pitch black darkness.]

[Pause.]
[The lights audibly flicker back on. THE WORKER is gone and THE BOSS pulls a large photo out of the camera. It is a profile shot of THE WORKER, dressed in a business suit – different to the clothes he was wearing before – smiling naively and waving. THE BOSS holds it up in plain view of the audience, grins, and meticulously slots it into an empty frame on the wall. After doing so he looks at it proudly, hands on hips, then turns to the audience.]
BOSS: (shouted) Next!

{END} – Karl, 22nd of January, 2008.